Match 25




March 20-Weird Wednesday


I’ve mentioned before that I like to play little games to help keep my brain interested during the duller parts of every day, and here’s another example.

I like to pretend I have super-powers, or maybe I can control The Force, but whatever you wanna call it, I have it, I’m powerful, and you should all kneel before me. I do this really anywhere that electronic devices turn on automatically. There are a few lights in the office where I work that are linked to motion sensors, so when anyone walks in front of it the lights turn on, then turn off again after a period of time when no one is around anymore. But when I walk into one of those rooms, I try to snap my fingers in the exact moment the lights turn on so I can pretend I did it with my awesome awesomeness rather than some boring motion sensor. I know that’s stupid but folks, it brings a smile to my face every time.

I’ll mix it up and throw in some more grandiose gestures depending what I’m super power I’m conjuring up at the time. If I’m waiting for an elevator that’s about to open, I’ll clap my hands together in the “Namaste” position, then bring them apart the same speed as the doors so it looks like I’m opening them. My favorite place to display my powers is the grocery store, because every grocery store now has automatic doors. With a sweep of my hand, the door slides open before me, or if someone’s walking in front of me I’ll be so kind as to open it for them, then throughout the whole store I’ll start humming Darth Vader’s theme from Star Wars. It doesn’t matter how many people are around, I don’t try to keep my identity a secret or hide behind a mask. Everyone should tremble at my tremendous power!

And before you think I’m stupid for doing this, remember that everyone has pretended they have super powers as an adult. While it’s true most of us don’t walking around with capes and try to fly off our parents’ roof, most of us have tried to use our powers while we’re driving around town. Be honest, you’ve wanted a red light to turn green so you blew at the light like Whoopi Goldberg in “Corrina, Corrina” and you were thrilled when it actually turned green at that exact moment. Whenever my brother-in-law drives through a yellow light, he’ll kiss the first two fingers of his right hand and then touch the ceiling of the car so the light won’t turn red before he’s through the intersection. The point is we’ve all done something like this before, so stop looking at me like that!

And as I’m traipsing through Meijer at 9:30 at night because we ran out of toilet paper, these are the types of thoughts that keep me sane, although I guess “sane” is a relative term.